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August 29, 2005

Apples or Prunes

It's fall, the season of longing.  We say goodbye to heat and skin.  Bury tender flesh in fleece and down and wool.  Stack firewood in neat piles, finish heavy curtains for the windows to seal out, beat back, vaguely discourage, the cold.  The heart turns in upon itself to spend its winter hours in cozy rumination.  Fire on the hearth, whisky in the cupboard, socks thick and soft in drawers, food stores in the cellar - tomatoes, beans, peaches, chickpeas - in case there's a blackout, an ice storm, a war.  We're ready.  Humans love to be ready.  Like the feeling when you were a kid and an apple war had been decreed and you worked tirelessly to collect a huge pile of rotten wormy groundfallen apples.  You built your dirt fort or tree fort or lumber fort (which was really just propped-up-plywood and the sound of apples smashing against it was glorious).  And then you sat back and knew you were ready for the war to start. 

And someone went to persuade their mother to issue rations - crackers, peanut butter, cookies - but if the mother was uncooperative, the least rotten of the apples would do for sustenance.  Thirst was handled via the nearest neighbour's garden hose, but you took a chance quenching a parched throat once the apple war began, because you made an irresistible target bent over a hose bibb with your bum in the air and your lips wrapped around a spigot, chin streaming with cold, rubber-tasting water.

Everyone loved an apple war.  But now that we're adults we have nice quiet neighbours who probably wouldn't participate in a decent barrage of fruity projectiles.  So we have to find constructive things to do instead. 

One apt endeavor is cutting dead limbs off trees.  The task requires a warrior's determination and almost no aiming.  The trick is to sever an overhead branch without getting beaned.  My favourite new tool for avoiding head injuries is the Black and Decker Pole Pruner, a battery operated chainsaw-on-a-stick.   

Bd_pole_pruner_copyThe pole pruner gives you up to 14 feet of extension, and the unit is lightweight (7.7 pounds) so you'll be able to operate it even if your upper body is flaccid from lack of apple-hurling.  The Pole Pruner is way quieter than a gas-driven chainsaw and will cut up to a hundred 1-inch thick branches on a single charge of its 18-volt battery.   This thing rocks.  It'll speed up your fall chores so you can kick back and enjoy the dying of the light.   Plus your neighbours will all be jealous, which is payback because they weren't interested in a good old wholesome apple war. 

The Black and Decker Pole Pruner retails at $189.

Comments

Dear Mag

I just want to say I enjoyed you alot on the Avonlea series. you are a sweet person, my question is what inpsired you to air the was it fix it or tool girl? Im not sure, but anyways i have seen one episode they have aired it here in the US. The station they aired it was PBS. I noticed you filmed it where the show Avonlea was shot and that was really interesting, cause I recognized the barn right away lol. thanks for taking the time to answer my question and My name is Abi by the way.

God Bless
with love in Christ
Abi


Dear Mag

I just want to say I enjoyed you alot on the Avonlea series. you are a sweet person, my question is what inpsired you to air the was it fix it or tool girl? Im not sure, but anyways i have seen one episode they have aired it here in the US. The station they aired it was PBS. I noticed you filmed it where the show Avonlea was shot and that was really interesting, cause I recognized the barn right away lol. thanks for taking the time to answer my question and My name is Abi by the way.

God Bless
with love in Christ
Abi

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    We're All In This Together
    Based on four years of interviews with Steve Smith, Mag's unconventional biography reveals the personal stories, sorrows and joys that continue to inspire the man behind the Red Green legacy.

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